On Motherhood

I don’t know what I would have done if anybody’d told me I’d feel this way once I had a baby. It’s quite unlike anything I had ever felt before. The little person you hold in your arms seems to be the cutest, most clever and, for me, since I do consider being funny an admirable trait, funniest baby ever known. I suddenly develop an empathy with all the other young mothers I know who have eyes and ears only for their children and of course now I understand why a mother will do anything for her baby. The reason I rarely write about it is partly because I wouldn’t know how to describe how it feels and also because it would be nothing unique. Every mom since the dawn of time experienced this since the first time funny little cave babies toddled out from the mouth of the cave covered in their fur coats trying not to fall as they follow mom around. And who could forget the determined little faces as they tried to “help” dad skin the saber-tooth.

What is certainly new to me is the way this little person turned my world over. I used to be so self-absorbed. I was a loner who could get lost in the world of books or computer games for hours at a time. I answered to no one and no one answered to me and I could come and go as I please. Now, I have to set aside my books if the little tyke demands that she wants to read with Mama and the soldiers in my strategy game would have to get their orders somewhere else while I was busy with the little general bouncing on my knee. And yet, I don’t regret all the time I lost for cuddling myself if I have to spend them with my daughter. And while I may feel silly dancing and bouncing around the playroom with Lewie, it is my greatest hope that my little daughter will have a font of great memories she has shared with Mama. As she would say with a satisfied sigh, “best friend si Mama, si Lewie”, may I be someone she can always depend on to provide for her needs and someone she could consider a friend.

Where have my memories gone?

Driving home one afternoon, I listened to songs over the radio. There’s this song “Don’t Speak” which came out in the late 90’s when we were still in med school. This was actually one of our favorite songs that my friend and I would often stop walking just to listen to it. At that time it did mean something to me and listening to it now I was reminded of the bittersweet memories of my angst-riddled schooldays.

I have really been through quite a lot since those years. I had even forgotten the feelings that I kept bottled inside me for fear of being ridiculed or ostracized. The all too real pain kept me awake late at night cursing my fate and making me pray for oblivion. But now it all seems so long ago and somehow surreal. Maybe because it was only me and my journals who knew about it. Maybe the frustration that I was subjected to in the recent years drove everything else out of my mind. And even that is starting to fade from my memory, driven out by the worries of day to day living.

When I reflect on all these things, I discover that life’s pain or joys only last for just a fleeting moment. All our triumphs and failures, our problems, our worries and even our lives can be gone in just a blink of an eye. What good then will it do to be obsessed with so many things in life? It is better to live each day as it comes, to cherish the good times and deal with the bad times the best way we can.

Crisis

The economic crisis was a wake-up call for most of us. We have been living a culture of excess for quite some time. We buy and use things as if there was no tomorrow. We break the bank or max out our credit cards just to have the latest trends in fashion, the coolest gadgets, the widest HDTV, the fastest cars; things which we will throw out after we get tired of them.

Now, the global economic downturn hits us like a splash of cold water in the face. No more shall we spend far more than we can afford, a new culture of thrift has started to take root. And I think it's about time we started using our resources in a more responsible way. Recycling things, growing our own vegetables, preparing no more food than we need, making do without the latest trends in fashion or newest gadgets with a plethora of features we don't even use. These are just few of the ways to save our pocketbooks and save the earth in the process. In the end, it won't matter how many things we accumulate throughout the years but rather how much life and love we enjoy and share out of all our years. And that, thank God, doesn't bring with it a hefty price tag.

Critics

I was shocked with the death of Heath Ledger last week. Sad to say, I will not be able to see anymore of his films, my favorite of which is "A Knight's Tale". Last night, I looked it over at Wiki and I found out it had received unfavorable reviews. How come? I enjoyed that movie, especially the part where he got to meet the Black Prince or the part where he returned home to his father and gave an old man hope and the joy of knowing his son has made something of himself. I think the movie deals with the courage to seize life and overcome obstacles placed on us by the norms of society and the status quo. All the critics seem to care about is whether it has a "new plot" or artistic interpretation.

Feeling a bit put out by this, I decided to search their opinions on another movie which I really enjoyed, even watched again on DVD, "Independence Day". It came as no surprise that again the reviews were not that good despite the fact that it was a top-grosser. I scanned for some of the books and films that I enjoyed and got the same lukewarm reviews. In contrast, the films I found boring or offensive seem to get glowing reviews. Then it hit me. Either these critics are stuck up snobs too full of their own "artistic" pretentions or I'm just a shallow individual, incapable of following the complicated plots of so -called "good" movies. Oh well, none of these matter to me except that the stories are good enough to transport me to a differrent place. I'll be damned if I let the critics dictate me on what I can or cannot enjoy...

Vacation Spot 1

Dakak Beach Resort, off-season.

During off peak months, Dakak is a fine place to go and relax. A small cove with a white sand beach and eco-tourism activities, it is a popular destination for those who wish to soak up the sun. The long trip and uphill climb was worth it when you're able to relax in these surroundings. Just don't ask me to go there during summer or the holidays when its packed with local and foreign tourists that you're unable to book your room if not at least 2 months in advance. It would be like a mini Boracay what with rubbing elbows with celebrities. That would be a shame coz I don't fancy spending my vacation time hobnobbing with the elite and (in)famous.

Midweek

Typical, midweek blahs. What I'd really like to do today is laze around the beach. One day, I'm gonna take a long week off from work and pressure. I'm going to stay at home and do nothing but watch TV and surf for 3 days. Maybe I'll go on shopping and replenish my cache of paperbacks. Then I'm off to the beach and stay maybe 2-3 days and do nothing more than swim, eat, sleep and watch the sun set.

Huhmmm... Feels nice to dream for a few minutes.
Back to the daily grind...

I've decided to move my previous post to another blog. It's bad enough that I couldn't really separate my work from personal life without boring everybody with details about my patients.